is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
