Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
