I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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