remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
