I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
