you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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