Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
