my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Randomize
