So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
