I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
