she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
