I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
