My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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