Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
