He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
