Already got asked if we're dating
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
