her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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