I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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