I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize