I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
