I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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