tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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