Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
