Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
