I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize