Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize