Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
