I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
