The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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