yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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