i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
