i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I party with great urgency now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
