My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Success! We fucked roommates!
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