she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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