i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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