I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize