My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
