And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
