we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
