I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
