next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
