hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
