If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was born a porn star she said
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
