no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
