she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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