I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The Olympian is in my bed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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