I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
