He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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