My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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