She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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