You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
