he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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