it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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