you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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