he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Vodka?
Forever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
