first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
