I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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