I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
