you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
