Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
