so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize