can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
