just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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