It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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