and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
