In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize