We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
