Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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