I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
