In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
