he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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