I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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