Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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