enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
