I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
