Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
