we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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