What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
