are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
