I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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