I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He kissed a someone with a penis
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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