Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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